I was slow to write this month because of the gravity of remembering what occurred. It was dark, dreary, and gray. The Auckland Summer was threatening to disappear and transform itself into the familiar cold, wet winter, that I loathed. My neighbor Deirdre had become my BFF and confidante (many thanks to you Deirdre) as I was home alone for a while with husband and kids in the US enjoying the end of their Winter break. I thought a lot about life and death and everything in-between. My sister Kim was there for the first surgery the Doctors scheduled just to make sure the diagnosis was correct: Urothelial carcinoma (UCC, also transitional cell carcinoma or TCC) a type of cancer that typically occurs in the urinary system: the kidney, urinary bladder, and accessory organs. It is the most common type of bladder cancer and cancer of the ureter, urethra, and urachus; but mine was Stage IV and up in and around my kidney. A rare location and one found in older Chinese and English men working in toxic factories in the early 1900's. Later, when Cristina my sister in law joined us for the removal of the kidney, learned the small mass had branched into 10 out of 15 lymph nodes along my abdominal aorta.
Still later we would learn there was one 'rogue node' that was not removed because it was located in my neck behind my clavicle far from the original tumor site. We would not have found the node if I hadn't been stricken, yes, stricken , with a severe dose of peripheral neuropathy(nerve damage) from the cisplatin and gemcitabine chemo cocktail I was served every three weeks for from March through June of 2016 (loving thanks to Michele, MaryAnne, Nathalia and Katie my chemo sitting comadres). The September MRI to rule out a spinal cord tumor or damage to my central nervous system yielded the discovery of an abnormal lymph node in my neck. I did't learn about this post-surgery, post-chemo node until November. We are thankful to God that it wasn't new, but was 'missed' in the initial diagnosis because Doctors weren't looking for a urinary system cancer in my neck. It was far from home. Not worse, not better, just far. More about the rogue node later. And know that it is gone now, as of March 16, 2017.
If this or something like this is happening with you (or a loved one) right now and this is where you are, please know that in these instances we need to surround ourselves with love, light, and people who love us unconditionally. We need to connect if we haven't already to spirit through Source whatever that means for us. It is also imperative for our future healing to forgive, forget, and surrender any controlling ways of being. We all have a limited amount of energy packets a day. Use them to heal your life so that you can give yourself the care your need and be of service to others again in the future.
For me, this meant remembering and honoring the steadfast prayer-life and faithful ways of my Southern Baptist parents and their peoples as far back as possible. In my case this includes the reality of universal, inclusive, and Indigenous belief systems that may be older than what we understand to be Christian or even Western in nature. Still, I was born in and partially raised in Spain which was a devoutly Catholic country. My life and surroundings kept me open and aware that God looks different to different people and that at the end of the day God is still God--- Glorious, Magnificent, Loving, Gracious, Creative, Limitless, and Good. As a Catholic adult with a non-denominational Christian background, I have studied the Bible and along the way read many other sacred scriptures. Today, I find that the Holy Trinity and teachings of Jesus Christ remain deep within my spiritual signature. I am anchored, comforted, and find solace in my faith, which is what I wish for every other person in the world who is going through a similar situation. To thine own self be true.
So as I reflect, these three things got me through and may also work for you (or your loved one) a year ago when I was hit with the reality of a life threatening diagnosis:
1. For your mind, refrain from reading too much on the internet. Instead, consult books on healing that resonate with your philosophical underpinnings.
2. For your spirit, sit with yourself and remember or reflect on the spirituality that your parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents.Understand that whatever their belief system was, it is partially responsible for your being here today. I am convinced that beyond biology, you are here as a miraculous result of love, intention, and intelligent design. Who did your people revere? Find that source and tap into now. If you don't have a Source begin exploring spirit to see what all the fuss is about. I am sure you will find something that resonates with you.
3. For your body, incorporate some of the practices found in your spiritual inheritance daily. For me it was prayer, meditation, deep breathing, eating whole foods with appropriate supplements, and practicing yoga.
These are the things that got me through initially. As we go, I will share more. Please connect with me through the site or subscribe to the MRIIW Newsletter for more insights.
With love and gratitude,
MRx
0ne Year Ago...A Return to Spirit